1/4.

Hey guys! I'm back from vacation so I can post another update on John. For those of you interested in hearing about vacation, keep an eye out on my mom's facebook page. She will be posting the 43,000 pictures she took soon. But, to the update...

Yesterday was a very exciting day. It was December 16th, which marks John's 3rd month in Teen Challenge! I cannot believe it has been that long already. He's already 1/4 of the way through. Something to celebrate. And, since we can see each other at his 6th month mark, I view it as halfway through. I will see him in 3 months! The thing that makes me laugh is that when I went to Holland for 12 days, John acted like he was dying. That felt like an eternity being away from each other. HAHAHA. Little did we know.

Hahahahaha.

Oh, and my apologies in advance for hogging John on his 6th month break. Like seriously I probably won't even let him alone to go to the bathroom. That was a joke. But I wouldn't put it past myself to wait outside the door and talk to him the whole time. We have a lot of catching up to do in one weekend. So if you don't see him or talk to him, sorry not sorry. And I mean that in the most loving way.

I want to take a moment and share how thankful I am for each of you who follow this journey. There are so many people giving encouraging words and praying for us, and a lot of you are people that I don't even personally know. It's incredible how God works. The funny thing is that John doesn't even know that there are all of these people so involved and caring about our lives. I don't think he realizes the amount of people who read my blog and send me messages, etc. When he is able to, I will show him all of your messages, comments, cards, and texts.

There have been a few times recently when things have felt almost unbearable. Something will happen with John that makes me upset. Nothing major but when you combine it with us not seeing each other for 3 months and still not being able to talk, and with still processing it all, it just makes some days hard.

For example, we found out about something he lied about even before he was on drugs. That made me question even more if I can trust him again. And I couldn't talk to him about it either. Thank God for my mom and that we are so alike. She was able to discuss it with him and ask him the questions I would have asked. He was truthful about all of it and it was a huge relief.

Or, he will get written up for something stupid, like wearing a white t shirt out in public (for some reason that is against the rules), and I will get frustrated that he's not taking anything seriously.

A friend of mine posted a song on facebook right around the time of all of that. It's called If You Fall by JJ Heller. Here are my favorite parts.

You are a house that's broken down

You are a house that's burning

And everything in me wants to run

But that's not love

When I am tempted to give up

I choose love

There are a million times I want to give up and leave John with the mess he made. When I don't want to go through the hard parts, when I don't want to go through the process with him. But I remind myself when I am tempted to give up, I choose love. And it's not easy to do. A lot of the time I'm glad I can't see him cause all I would do is yell at him. But that's not love. I wrote those lyrics on my memo board as a constant reminder.

One last thing. I would like to ask you all to pray for John. Last week was really rough for him. He was getting sick and felt awful and that led to him being in a bad mood all week. He barely talked to my mom when she visited him Sunday and he refused to look at any pictures of me from vacation because it would make him even more sad and he would want to leave. It's very hard on me as well because I am totally helpless. Please pray with me that he gets out of this little slump so he can go back to being himself.

One for the road.

Hey hey. Our family leaves for the long-awaited Disney cruise on Friday!! Woohoo! And in reality, I owe it all to John. My parents felt that I had a hard year and finally gave in to my years of asking. Thus, I want to leave you all with one big update to hold you over until we get back.

- John still has moments when he gets discouraged and feels down. And although he wouldn't actually leave, sometimes he just wants to come home. Please pray for him in that area. 

- There was a pastor who came and spoke to the guys and he was showing them pictures on his phone. John said he couldn't remember how to use a phone. Haha. 

- When John got saved last year, he really wanted to be able to go into schools and share his testimony. Teen Challenge is trying to start up a ministry like that where they travel to schools and share with the students. It's still in the works so pray that they will be able to. That would be an incredible ministry. 

- He said that sometimes everyone can get in a weird attitude and everything feels mundane. John and one of his friends were talking and they want to change that. He said he doesn't want TC to be another rehab. 

- John keeps emphasizing that he is done with his family. At first I was worried he was just saying that to please us. But he knows now that they will only bring him down like before. He will always love them but he doesn't want to risk even seeing them once in a while; he won't be able to see them at all. 

- He still is not sure what he wants to do with his life after he finishes the program. But he says he's noticing that the more he prays the more God reveals to him. He had 3 different people he had never met before tell him they could see him in ministry. 

Since we are not able to see each other it's easy for me to overthink things. A lot of times I wonder if it was just all in my head when I thought God told me that we were the ones for each other. Or I'll wonder if I really want to go through this whole journey. And a million other things. 

And then my mom will come home with tons of stories that reassure me that we are definitely soul mates. 

- There's a song that's always reminded me of the life I imagine for me and John. It's called Love Will Be Enough For Us by Dave Barnes. It's such an adorable song. Last week when my mom was visiting him, he told her to tell me to look up a song that he heard called love is enough "or something like that" by Brandon Heath. He said it reminded him of us. Sure enough, it's the same song, but a different version. Coincidence? Not to me. 

- My mom and I wanted to get John a purity/promise ring to wear since he comes across a lot of girls while visiting churches or going door to door. Mom ran it by him and he was so excited about it. He said that he's "tired of explaining to people that he's married" haha. She got to give him the ring on thanksgiving and he was ecstatic. All his buddies make fun of him for having it but doesn't care one bit. 

- He said it's so stupid and cliché but he wonders if when he's looking at the moon, if I'm looking at the moon too. Or if he's reading his bible and praying, if I'm reading my bible and praying. He even thought about getting my mom to tell me to pray at a specific time so it would be like we're praying together. Nice to see that he hasn't lost any of his romantic-ness. 

- There's a story John told me he started to write for me this summer. It's a love story between the sun and the moon and they only get to see each other during an eclipse but it's worth it to them to see each other even for that short time. He got one of his friends on staff to look up all the different facts about eclipses. So John studied a 15 page article and re wrote the story with the scientific facts included. 

- He said that he didn't realize just how much he put me first in his life before. Now he is focusing on God first and getting himself right with Him and then he will worry about me.

- I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before, but John will get a weekend visit home around his 6 month mark (I may or may not have a countdown on my wall...). During that time he really wants to focus on showing me how sorry he is and for how he treated me. He wants to do whatever he has to to prove himself to me and everyone else he hurt. He also wants to talk about the future: how things will be when he gets out, how we should go about getting married, what he will do for a job, etc.