The last time I posted, I told you guys my mom wasn't allowed to have contact with John anymore. Since that happened, I don't receive many updates on him anymore other than "he's doing good". So the lack of updates is due to my lack of updates.
He really is doing fantastic though. Through talking to some people who volunteer/staff/intern etc., I've been very encouraged by what they say about my John. I tend to ask everyone who has spent more than ten minutes with him how he is; if he takes it seriously and if he's actually growing. My favorite reply was: "Not all the guys in the program take it seriously and make the most out of it, but there are those certain guys that really apply themselves and put a lot into it, and I consider John one of those guys." And if you know me, my reply was "Good. He better." :)
Since the new year started, there have been more difficult days than before. I went from getting detailed updates twice a week to brief and vague ones. If there was a question we had for him, my mom asked. Now, if we find out new information or things he did from before, I can't get an answer about it. I'm the type of person who needs to get things resolved as quick as possible. I'll give you some examples:
I found out recently that John lied about a job he had years ago. But when he made up this story, it was before he was using drugs again. It was even before we dated. It made me wonder if he lied about something that didn't even matter, what else had he lied about? Are there other things he told me about himself that were false? It really made me question if I knew him at all.
Another thing that happened was we found an old voicemail letting him know he got approved for a loan. The message was right around the time we got engaged. I assume it was for the ring but I can't be sure because I can't ask him. I had thought he was getting his priorities straight and saving the money. But now I have no clue if that was true.
These incidents caused too many questions in my mind. I had to seriously consider if I want to deal with these kinds if things in my life. After much prayer I know that unless God tells me to end our relationship, God will restore that trust. When it comes down to it I just want to go where The Lord leads me. If I do that, He'll take care of it all.
I've realized lately that when God does something, it's never just that one thing. He makes a million other things happen with it and because of it. I've made a lot of friendships these past few months with people who have been involved with Teen Challenge one way or another. It's incredible to me that I never would've met any of them of John hadn't fallen into addiction. God does crazy things. I love it.
If you're still reading, thanks. I know this is probably super time consuming and it's my fault it's so long cause I haven't posted in forever. Keep reading my friends. Press on! Cause now I'm gonna talk about something very important.
Last week, Josh Watts, the boyfriend of one of my friends died. He had been addicted to heroin. Their story is similar to mine and John's. He had a past with drugs, got saved, and they fell in love. They were going to spend their lives together.
My mom was talking to someone who works for the health department the other day, and she told her there have been 37 deaths due to heroin laced with fentanyl on the eastern shore since September. You all know what happened in September right? God intervened and John entered Teen Challenge. He has THE BEST timing. For those of you who don't know, fentanyl is what they give to people to put them to sleep during surgery. And those 37 deaths don't even include overdoses of just plain heroin.
John would be dead. No doubt about it.
Josh's memorial service was last night. I had spent a lot of time mad and frustrated that John would go to church, do devotionals with me, etc. all while being addicted to the deadliest drug out there. It disgusted me that he used all of that to cover up his struggle. But hearing about Josh's life last night made me realize something. Even though he was struggling, he still had a heart that loved God. It's strange to think about but it's true. We all have struggles, but that doesn't necessarily mean our heart for God changes. David was an adulterer and murderer, and he was a man after God's own heart. I never looked at John like that before. He wasn't using God as a cover up, he really was trying to live right. One thing is for sure though. I am so grateful now more than ever that John made the decision to change. I can't say it or explain it enough.
One final thing:
John has been in 5 months and 1 week. He's only 3 weeks away from his halfway point. I've never been so proud.
No comments:
Post a Comment