q&a.

A little while ago I asked you all if you had any questions for me pertaining to this whole situation...and not one of you asked anything. Good job everyone! (Yes, that was sarcastic) Outside of that, I get asked a few questions on a pretty much regular basis. I'll go ahead and answer those because, if you're like almost everyone else, you're probably wondering too. 

• (This is one people ask me all the time.) Are you still getting married?

Yes, we are still definitely getting married. I didn't stick around and go through everything in the past seven months just to be friends with John and I surely didn't do it because it's fun. Before John and I even entered into a relationship, God had showed we would get married. So in some ways, I sort of view him as my husband already because I know he will be. The Proverbs 31 woman does her husband good all the days of her life, including before their marriage. I am here to do whatever I have to to support him, encourage him, and help him continue to live as he is right now. I am not worried about past hurt, broken trust, chances of relapse, or all the criticism we are sure to receive (and already have). I am confident this is what God has called me to do, so if I follow the Lord's leading, He will take prefect care of every little thing. 

• Similar to the first question, Have you set another date?

No. And setting a date is not a priority. The first time around, we were so excited to get married that we didn't properly prepare in many areas, and the stress of it was a big contributer to John using drugs. He and I didn't talk about it about this issue as much as other things, but I know for me, my first priority is to make sure John stays strong in The Lord. I don't want him rushing to get established after his graduation. I want to make sure we keep our focus on God and do things the right way. The lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. (Psalms 37:23 NLT) He is more than able to guide us where we need to go and show us the right time to get married. 

• What is John planning to do when he graduates?

He isn't sure. God hasn't showed that to him yet. He has a couple different options for where he can live and work. What I do know is that he wants to have time where he can meet with certain men he's met while in Teen Challenge on a regular. And it's clear that John is going to be in ministry at some point. But as of right now, no definite plans. 

• How can I be praying for you?

Well that all depends on what day it is. When I asked John that question, he said the hardest part about the program is being with guys and only guys all the time. I know he would really appreciate prayer for direction and wisdom for what to do after graduation. Recently he has been struggling with missing me and getting bummed out, knowing that other guys who have graduated come to our church and get to hang out with me and my family. He's also a bit upset that he can't do fun things with us this summer, like go to the beach. For us as a couple, pray that we would just keep growing and letting The Lord guide us in every area. This time in our lives has been incredible and I don't want it to be for nothing. 

So that ends our q&a time. But seriously if you have any questions, you can ask me. I love sharing about this situation because I know how it's encouraged and helped people. 

I'll finish with this exciting thought:

It's that point in time where we are planning certain things that John will actually be here for. Our family takes a trip to a Spruce Lake every year around New Years. The other day my dad was telling me that he put the deposit down for this year's trip. And it hit me - John will be there too. I've gotten so used to John not physically being in our lives, it's so exciting to imagine him being around all the time. But I'm more excited for him to be here for the little things. Sitting beside him in church, him genuinely laughing when I try really hard to be funny, hearing and seeing that perfect giggle of his, calling him when I have an awful day. Instead of just being a part of our lives, he'll be in our lives. 

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

^that's an understatement. 

*4 and 1/2 more months left you guys!!

1/2!

As of March 16th, John is half way done with Teen Challenge! This is super exciting (to say the very least) for a ton of reasons. And now, I will share those reasons:

John only has 6 more months to go! We are closer to the end than the beginning. It's still difficult for me to wrap my mind around the fact that it's been a whole half of a year. Since what seemed like hell, since I last saw John, and since this miraculous journey began. To me, this first half has flown by. To John, sometimes it feels like forever and a day, but other times it seems like it's been a short time. 

"But wait, how do you know what John thinks about it" you may ask. Fantastic question. Let me answer that for you. :)

BECAUSE I FINALLY SAW HIM. 

Most of you blog readers are local, so you already know all this. But for my friends across the world I'll explain it all quickly. 

(In Teen Challenge after you've completed 6 months you get a pass to come home for the weekend. John was also granted an additional day home for meeting a certain goal on door to door fundraising. He came home on March 21-24. So now you're up to date.)

I could honestly write for days about that weekend. But for the sake of this post, I'll just focus on the most important things. 

So gather 'round folks, you're about to hear one of the best stories there ever was. 

When we first saw each other it was nothing like what I expected. But then again I had been dreaming up about 500 different scenarios during the past 6 months apart. I had been very worried that things would be awkward between us. I mean we hadn't spoken to each other in such a long time. I worried things would be different, that we wouldn't be as comfortable around each other. 

As we hugged for the first time, I felt and heard a loud heartbeat. I didn't know if it was coming from him or me when I heard him say "is that your stomach or mine"? Ah, I knew we were still in sync. After some awkward-in-a-good-way giggling and staring, it was as if we never spent more than a few hours without being together. Everything was so comfortable with him. And everything was even better than our relationship before. 

I was filled with so much joy to just watch the new John. There were times he would share a story of something dumb him and the guys did, and I would go to say "what were you thinking". But then he would say what he learned from it and why he doesn't want to do that again. In many ways I saw growth and change in him. His heart for people has grown even bigger than it was before. He is more mature and respectful in situations where there's conflict. And he is so passionate about spending time with Jesus and reading the Word. 

Throughout the weekend we had quite a bit of time to talk. Just plain talk. And I'm so thankful for that. Have you ever had to hold a half a years worth of questions to a drug addict in your head and not get answers? If you haven't, let me tell you, some days it can turn into torture. I've told you all about a lot of the things I worried about in my previous posts, but I had so many more concerns on top of that. "Was he shooting up? Shooting up can easily give you HIV. How am I gonna be married to someone with that? Did he ever steal things from me or my family? Was he cheating on me too?" My list went on and on. And yes there was an actual list (come one guys, it's me we're talking about), which I crossed off with sighs of relief in the middle of Applebee's. We wanted to get past the hard stuff so we could spend more time doing fun stuff. 

Relief and restoration. Those two words best describe the talks we had. I found relief in knowing that certain things I worried about weren't issues. He hadn't been shooting up, never stole from me or my family, never cheated on me. And I also found relief in finding out things he did while using, and knowing that it's all finished. It was hard for me to grasp the fact that John tried to take his own life. But it made me all the more thankful in a million ways. I just hugged him for a long time after that. 

We talked about how things were before and how things will be in the future. It just felt so good to know we are doing things the right way now and letting God lead us. 

Aside from all the necessary seriousness, we had plenty of time to be the silly lovebirds we once were. I've never enjoyed holding hands, being tickled, giggling at each other's giggle, or being kissed on the forehead more in my life. I cherished every one of those moments, fully realizing that if the devil had his way, I would have never been able to do that with John again. For a while, I got used to being alone and independent. I almost forgot what it felt like to be so adored and in love. For someone to genuinely laugh at your attempts to be funny. And the feeling of perfection when you're on the couch watching a movie (Frozen and Pitch Perfect to be exact), just being next to each other. The weekend my love was here, I was reminded of what all that felt like. 

Inevitably, we had to say goodbye. But this one was far better than the last. 

When John and I said our goodbyes the first time, we didn't know when he would even go into Teen Challenge (which ended up being the next day), we didn't know we couldn't have contact for the whole year, and we didn't know what would happen with our relationship. Although it was crappy to have to go back to being without each other, this time things are different. We have adjusted to spending this time apart, and we know that our relationship has grown stronger and we will be together when he graduates. When all is said and done, every single thing we've been through will be worth it. 

I want to thank everyone who came to youth group and church to hear John share his testimony and his heart. Sunday was such a happy day. In my mind, I compared it to the first Sunday I went to church without John there. People hugged me, encouraged me and prayed for me, and rubbed my back as they walked by. It was so special to see those same people give me hugs of excitement and the biggest of smiles, knowing that what I had waited for had finally come. 

Thank you to everyone who has ever said a prayer for us. Thank you for the encouragement. Thank you for asking and checking in on me. Thank you for asking when my next updates will be. Thank you for sharing songs with me. Thank you for sending me long messages sharing your heart. Thank you for everything my friends. There is a great man of God now as a result. 

I love you guys!

-Allison 

Just an FYI, the next time we will see each other is in July, when he will have another pass after 10 months. Then he will be 2 months away from graduating! I'm already so excited I could burst.