the smile that answered everything.

This is a long introduction, but it's necessary to make my point. 

My favorite thing about John is his smile. The look of his face when he does that little giggle of his gets me every time. 

But the thing about John is that he does not smile naturally in pictures. Ask anyone who knows him. We have to retake almost every picture because the first time, to be honest, he looks like he's pooping. 

When he first got saved and moved in with my aunt and uncle, there were a couple pictures taken of him where he had this radiant smile. I'm guessing it's from the joy of his life being dramatically changed. So when I first met John, he had a buzz cut and smiled in pictures. 

Somewhere along the line of our relationship and his job and just life as it went on, he became incapable of giving a real smile in pictures. I will never understand that. My mom took a photo op almost every moment of my life so I can't wrap my mind around people who can't smile naturally in pictures. (My apologies if that offends you). 

When I got home from church this Sunday, I was miserable. Not your usual reaction to church right? Well it's been a year since I've been at church without John there. It was lonely. I missed him bad. I sat on my couch without the will or energy to do anything except feel miserable. I talked to God: "I feel horrible and like this won't ever end. You have to send me some encouragement or peace or anything to make this feeling stop."

Not even five minutes later, my phone went off. I opened it up to a picture of John. You may be thinking "whoop de do". But here's the thing - in this picture, John was smiling. Not a laugh-smile that comes from you trying to get him to smile. Not that poop face smile. A natural smile. And his hair had been cut to a buzz cut. 

I was looking at the old John. The one I first fell in love with. The one with a contagious joy. I felt it just from seeing that picture of him. John was back. I got teary eyed and would have actually cried but I was to busy screaming for my mom to come look. 

This past week was torture. It was filled with not knowing. Not knowing what he was thinking, what he was struggling with. Wondering if he was changing or opening his heart. I didn't know if he was miserable from missing me. Fear and anxiety took me over. 

So many questions went unanswered. But that simple smile told me everything I needed to know. That picture, it was worth so much more than a thousand words. 

(Psalm 43:5 MSG)- ... He puts a smile on my face, he's my God.

Thank you, Lord for putting that smile on his face! And thank you, Lord for hearing my prayer!

"You did it: you changed wild lament into whirling dance; You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers. I’m about to burst with song; I can’t keep quiet about you. God, my God, I can’t thank you enough." (Psalm 30:11,12 MSG)