for those who have been asking...

This may come as a shock to you but not as much as it was to me. 

We found out last week that John has been addicted to drugs since may. If you know his story, you know that he was addicted to them before he got saved. A few months after he got saved he started seeing his family more (his brothers are on drugs) and a few more months after that they kept bugging him to do it with them and he just wasn't strong enough to say no. His mom even knew about his problem and even covered for him and gave him more money when he was low  and said that he lent her money for rent. For almost all of our engagement he has been on drugs and lying about so many things. He thought it was something he could over come on his own. At church you could tell his sincerity but I had no idea of the battle he was fighting. I don't know exactly what it was that made him come clean. It might have been the fact that we caught on to a few of his lies and he knew he couldn't cover them anymore. But he desperately wanted help and he has gone into teen challenge, a year long Christian rehab. (We are not allowed to share which location has been sent to.) During this time he can only have contact with immediate family and since his family is all on drugs, my uncle mark and aunt christine will take their place since he has been living with them for the past year. 

Since we are only engaged and not married, I can have no contact with him for a year. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. The only way of contact is by my aunt and uncle relaying messages and even that is limited. That is where I need the most prayer. To have patience. To not become bitter.  To trust that God will truly change him and not allow john to turn back to that life again. To decide whether or not we should even still stay together (we have known each other just under a year and he will be gone for a year). To not miss his so much every day. To be able to trust again (whether it be him or a different relationship).

On top of all this, we need someone to take over our apartment lease so we don't get evicted and owe a TON of money that we do not have. Please pray that I will have peace. 

I am just a whirlwind of emotion. One minute I am at peace, the next feeling like I can't breathe from all this anxiety. I was and am completely blown away by how many of you have said you were praying for me and sent me encouraging messages and texts. There is no way to express how much that means to me. I bet you didn't know just how horrible this situation was did you? Haha. (I have learned to laugh at the situation at times because it's just so pitiful)

I believe that God is working in unexpected ways in this situation. And not just for me and John but for my family and other people involved. We all love john very much and though he has made countless terrible decisions, we know that the devil had been controlling him in his addiction. I am so grateful to my lord for working in his life even when he was on the drugs. He could have over dosed, got in a car accident, or a deal could have gone bad. I know my God has incredible plans for John, whether it be with or without me (even though I'm reaaaaaally hoping it's with me). 

This week, I read the book "You'll Get Through This" by Max Lucado. It looks into the story of Joseph. It has helped me tremendously this past week. When Joseph says "you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good", the word used for "meant" is a word that means "to weave". Satan weaves, God reweaves. I'm resting in that. 

What satan intended for evil, God intends for good.