Life Lessons with Allison

Gather round children. 

Allison's about to share with you some very helpful tips that could very well save you from the following:

Embarrassment

Awkward moments

Times of frustration

Blushing

Irritation

If you have previously suffered from any of the symptoms listed above, you will want to carefully read what I am about to share. If you wish to prevent the above from happening, I would also advise you to take heed. You will thank me later. Not that I've ever done any of these things...

1. When taking your brother to his homeschool co-op, follow your instincts and do not wear slippers. You may need gas and end up showing all of the people at the Seaford Royal Farms your horrid choice in footwear.

2. Never convince yourself "Oh, I won't fix myself up. I'm only going to (anyone of the following: Walmart, Dollar Tree, my brother's co-op pool party). You could end up seeing an old (guy) friend who just might be good looking, and you will want to go hide somewhere that will never be far enough away.*

3. Always remember to close the sun roof of your car before belting out "The Way You Make Me Feel" by Michael Jackson at the top of your lungs, whilst driving through a small town. There is a rather large chance that there are many pedestrians (who have ears) walking the streets of said town.

4. After house-sitting for your aunt and uncle, do not take their house key back home with you to your house. They will end up having to send your 5-year-old cousin through their kitchen window to unlock the house. And you will feel irresponsibly foolish.

5. While operating a motor vehicle, do not open a bottle of water by holding it between your legs. You could hold it a smidgeon too tightly and in the end, look like you wet yourself.

6. Always double check who you are sending a text message to. Otherwise, you may end up sharing a funny story about a guy you like to another guy friend and he will be confused. And you? Well you will want to go die somewhere.

7. Do not go to the dentist the day before your birthday, more importantly, your 16th birthday, despite your father reassuring you that it's "just a filling". Your dentist could end up hitting a vein in your cheek with the novocain needle, causing said cheek to be swollen for the next few days. One of those days is your birthday.

8. Always check your teeth after eating strawberries.There is a rather hefty chance of you ending up in conversation with your long lost best friend that you used to like for a good portion of your life, and your aunt will inform you mid-conversation that you have seeds in your front teeth.*

9. Check the date on a coupon before you plan on using it. Otherwise you will be filled with sheer bliss at the thought of the chocolate lava cake you are about to eat, only to have your dreams crushed when you are informed the coupon expired over a week ago.

10. Make sure that your bedroom door is shut all the way before changing your clothes. Even though you think it's locked, your dog could waltz in, pushing the door open, thus enabling your brother to see a quick glimpse of you in your underwear.*

11. When shaking a bottle of nail polish, don't forget to have a firm grip on said bottle. If you fail to do this, you can send the polish flying through the air, and then it will plummet to your bathroom floor. You will then have to clean up puddles of fuchsia nail color off of various surfaces in your bathroom.

12. When wearing a new shirt, remember to take off the size sticker. You may end up walking around a science fair for a good half hour, if not longer, before realizing that the very noticeable vertical sticker is still on your belly.

*(These lessons are the most crucial to remember and will save you from the most severe of awkward moments)