Excerpts.

This past weekend was filled with unexpected excitement. My aunt and uncle received a letter from John to give to me. I did not see this coming and it wasn't even something I had been hoping for because the rules are that girlfriends and fiancés aren't allowed to write letters or have any contact for the whole year. Turns out somehow john got special permission to write me. And as the letter is mostly filled with updates, I wanted to share it with you. You who have been praying and joining us in our journey. 

-One thing I noticed right off the bat is that he refers to the other guys in the program as his brothers.

"The guys have been really nice to me here. They took me in like brothers." 

"I have had times where all I can do is cry but I pull myself out of that and my brothers help me with that."

This especially means a lot to me cause he is very close with his biological brothers, so much so that when the pressured him to do drugs, he caved. So the very fact that he calls his fellow teen challenge guys brothers multiple times fills me with joy. That he has found that brotherly relationship, but with Christ like men. He told me they are showing him how to love like Christ and how to walk like Jesus did. He also mentioned a lot that the Holy Spirit is so strong there and that he's relying on God minute by minute. 

-So far during this time I have really been seeking what The Lord has for me and John. Do we stay together? Do we just be friends? I don't want to do the wrong this this time. I know for a fact that God spoke to me and told me we were supposed to be with each other last year. But did we ruin that plan when we strayed off course? And then I read this part of the letter, which made so much sense to me. 

"I'm really praying that God shows me what he has in store for me and you and where we are going to go in our lives. But I truly believe that we are meant to be with each other and until God tells me otherwise then I'm going to keep believing that with all me heart. And me being in here can only help us."

-Last week I was struggling a lot with dwelling on the hurt and the betrayal. It was like as hard as I tried I couldn't think about anything else. All that prompted me to think that John never apologized. I know he did once or twice when we first found everything out, but it was more of an apology cause he didn't like that he upset me. He apologized a few times in the letter but this is my favorite. 

"I want you to be happy and I hope you can be with everything that happened. I should have came out with everything and just told you. I mean, my best friend and I could not be honest with you. I am so sorry Allison. I really do mean that with all my heart. I just wish I could show you somehow but I can't when I'm in here away from you."

-I have constantly wondered what John thinks about our relationship. Is he ok with letting me go if that's where God leads? I honestly have been thinking that he's never going to let go of me if it came to it. 

"I just know everything is going to be okay with us, that's either way if we're together or not. But if The Lord works it out that we are together than our relationship will be strong because God will be first. I love you Allison and even if I'm not with you I will always love you. No matter what. And I should've shown you that love better. I should have shown you love like Christ but I didn't."

I can feel it now. I know that he gets it. Like it finally clicked to him. He knows better now. He knows what and what not to do this next time around assuming there is one. He also said that he prays for me every day out here. That caught me off guard. I didn't think it would cross his mind to pray for me and all the things that I'm dealing with. But I should've known he would. Even with all the bad things he did, he is a thoughtful sweetheart to his core. 

He ends the letter by saying:

"I don't know when I'll see you again but hey you know what I keep telling myself? If we can go this long then you know our love is real. Look at The Notebook, they went years without seeing each other. :) I love you Allison. Keep pushing into God."

-We always said our relationship was like The Notebook. We fought all the time but despite that we were crazy about each other. Just like Noah and Allie. We told each other that if we ever broke up and got together with other people we would still wind up being with each other in the end. Maybe that's true. Either way I think it's super adorable that he referenced that movie. 

So there you have it folks. Thank you for your prayers. I hope you can tell from the excerpts that he is already changing so much just after one month. Imagine the change after one year! It's so gonna be worth the wait. 

I've read this letter many times already since I got it. And over and over one thing keeps coming to my mind. "He's back. He's come home." He strayed far off course and was blinded by his sin. But he is back in God's arms now. I can tell just from one letter that he is the John I first fell in love with. The one who encouraged me in The Lord. The one who was bursting at the seams with the joy of The Lord and what he was doing in his life. 

He's back.