thankful for a life.

As you can gather from my recent posts, the past few days have been pretty hard on me emotionally. I've really been struggling with the hurt. 

Tonight I watched the episode of Glee where they said goodbye to Finn. Before I share my thoughts, I want to share a memory. A flashback. 

It's July. A Sunday morning. I wake up to hear my mom tell me that Cory Monteith died. I did my research right away. He had been off of drugs but when old friends offered heroin to him that night, he gave in. Hours later he was gone. I remember driving in the car with John that day, listening to the songs Cory sang on glee, my eyes filling up with tears. It was so surreal to me, just like he was a friend. A few days after that, I remember telling John "it was cause he hung out with his old friends! He knew they were bad news! That's why I'm glad you don't hang out with your brothers anymore!"

How little did I know. I sat there mourning the death of someone I didn't know. Meanwhile my fiancé is addicted to the very drug that took his life. And that's exactly how John's story went. He was doing good. And then he hung out with his brothers and they bugged him to do drugs with them. And he gave in. It makes me sick to think about.

But this post is not meant to be sad. It's meant to rejoice. To thank my living God that John's life was not also taken. I honesty don't have words to say how grateful I am that he is still alive. There were so many moments when he could have and should have died. But he didn't. God was truly protecting him. 

Death is irreversible. It's permanent. A ruined wedding is not permanent. Broken trust is not permanent, if you allow it. John was given the opportunity to turn his life around. Cory wasn't so lucky. 

The whole entire time I was watching the show, I wanted so badly to hug John. To hold him so tightly and not let go. To treasure him-alive. To tell him how much I can't explain how thankful I am that he wasn't dead. Dead and in hell for eternity for that matter. 

I'm still unsure of what is all going to happen when John graduates from teen challenge. But either way, I am so thankful that this person I love dearly is still here. I don't have to sit here wishing I could bring him back. I don't have to cry over all of the could-have-beens. 

Lord, thank you for saving John's life. 

"God, my God, I yelled for help and you put me together. God, you pulled me out of the grave, gave me another chance at life when I was down-and-out." (Psalm 30:2, 3 MSG)